Dodgers Pass On Blackbeard
By Scott Andes
As you guys probably know already, the Dodgers are going to pass on free agent closer Brian Wilson, also known as Blackbeard. Dylan Hernandez of the L.A. Times, originally reported the news. Wilson was jsut recently non-tendered by the Giants, making him a free agent. Let’s go over the time frame of this whole hilarious storyline.
Wilson looks like a Hobo.-Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports
1. The Giants draft Wilson in the 24th round of the 2003 amateur draft.
2. After a few years of developing, and rising through the San Francisco farm system quickly Wilson enjoys immense success as the new Giant’s closer.
3. Wilson annoys the entire city of Los Angeles for years, with his stupid arm crossing every time he records a save. (kudos to Hayden Kane for pointing this out.)
4. After being selected to two all-star games, and enjoying a lot of success, Wilson grows a huge ugly moonshiner beard.
5. Wilson helps the Giants win a World Series in 2010.
6. After the Giants win the World Series in 2010, Wilson begins to act like a wierdo.
7. After the 2011 season, Wilson earns 8.5 million dollars for the 2012 season in his second year of arbitration.
8. Blackbeard pitches in just two games for the Giants in 2012, before blowing out his arm.
9. Wilson has Tommy John surgery, ending his 2012 season.
10. Wilson begins to act more and more like a total weirdo. His beard grows even longer, and people mistake him for a homeless vagrant.
11. Wilson is eligible for his third year of arbitration after the 2012 season, but the rumor was the Giants would not be tendering Blackbeard a contract because of his injury.
12. Because of number 11, Blackbeard gets pissed at the Giants. So he tells everyone that he wants to pitch for the Dodgers if the Giants don’t tender him a contract because he lives in Los Angeles during the off-season.
13. As a result, the Giants find their feelings hurt, and as expected do not tender Wilson a contract, making him a free agent.
14. This story amuses Dodger fans everywhere.
15. Finally the Dodgers put these rumors to bed by announcing they have no interest in signing Wilson. Pass! Our bullpen is set with Brandon League, Kenley Jansen, and Ronald Belisario. Three great dominant relievers who don’t look like hobos.
16. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Hot Stove rumors.
17. Go Blue!
(We’ll have more from the winter meetings later)
Apparently many insiders believe that Wilson could get a contract in the same neighborhood as the one Ryan Madson just signed. According to sources, the Red Sox, and Angels could have interest in Wilson as well. Wilson is from New Hampshire, so the Red Sox could make sense for him. Regardless, we wish him well. Perhaps he could land a career as a hermit, or a Pirate if pitching doesn’t work out. (I mean a real actual Pirate, not the MLB team) If none of those teams sign Wilson, there is always a spot for him in Skid Row. He should fit in quite well down there.