Tis The Season For Ridiculous Trade Rumors

Tis the season for ridiculous trade rumors, fa la la la, la la la la. Tis the season for malarkey, fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Boy these rumors are annoying, fala, ala la, la ,la. Tis the season for speculation, fa lala, la la la la.

Every season the hot stove trade rumors get crazier, and more ridiculous than the season before, and this year is not disappointing in that regard, even though we are only just a few weeks into the offseason. Some writers are suggesting some really idiotic moves. Because the Dodgers are bound to make these trades because ya know, I wrote an article, and I say so. Of course. Let’s go over and debunk some of the more ludicrous trade speculations, and I don’t mean of the famous rapper variety.

Ridiculous trade # 1- Joc Pederson, Zach Lee, Julio Urias, Corey Seager, and Chris Withrow to Tampa Bay for pitcher David Price

No, the Dodgers are not trading me-Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

This is one of the most ridiculous, outlandish trade rumors I have heard in some time. So get this, the Dodgers should empty out their entire farm system, trading not one, not two, but four of their top organizational prospects to the Rays just for David Price. Why the Dodgers would want to do this is beyond me. Of course this trade has a better chance of happening than me striking gold in my living room, but it doesn’t mean it’s likely to happen. Although, according to some of the stuff I’ve read online, it could happen. Nods head.

Yeah, it’s not going to happen.  Why would the Dodgers trade their entire farm system for one pitcher? Seager, and Lee are very close to being big league ready, and why is poor Withrow getting thrown in for no reason. I haven’t even touched on that. Sure Price is good, but he’s not that good. He’s not Clayton Kershaw, or Sandy Koufax good. Also consider this, the Rays don’t have to even move Price. He has two more years of arbitration remaining. He’s not a free agent until 2016 I believe. There is no reason for the Rays to trade him right now. The Dodgers already have two aces anyways. This trade would make no sense for the Dodgers. The Dodgers would be better off signing Masahiro Tanaka or something, and oh I don’t know, maybe keeping the last few top prospects they have in their farm system. I’m going to bet that a Tampa Bay fan came up with this trade idea.

Stupid hot stove trade # 2- Yasiel Puig to the Marlins for Giancarlo Stanton

At least this one doesn’t involve emptying out the farm system of our top talent. But this is still a stupid trade idea. Stanton still has several years of team control left, and Puig is under contract. So why would the Dodgers want to make this trade? I have no idea. This is a trade I keep hearing people bring up online a lot. One lame excuse is because the Dodgers don’t know if Puig’s “style of play will age well”. What the hell does that even mean? Don’t know if his style of play will age well my butt. Get out of here with this. Yeah guys, I don’t know if Puig’s talent will age well. (laughter breaks out). Maybe his talent could use a viagra?

I hear and read about many lame excuses as to why this would be a good idea. Here’s another stupid excuse. “Puig could save Miami Baseball!” Oh boy, then where do I sign up! Golly gee, because that’s what the Dodger brass are worried about. Not improving the club and maintaining their players, but instead saving Miami Baseball! Can you believe someone actually said this in print? I get it though. Let me tell you this, Puig is not going anywhere. There is a better chance of Puig sprouting wings and flying then the Dodgers trading him, let alone trading him to the Marlins for Stanton. There is a better chance of Britney Spears proclaiming her love for me than the Dodgers trading Puig.

We know the Dodgers may end up trading one of their other outfielders however. The club is willing to listen on offers for Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, and Carl Crawford, but not for Puig. And that doesn’t even mean that any of those guys will be moved. No disrespect to Stanton, but Puig is an all-around more complete player anyways with his speed, defense, and cannon throwing arm. Stanton is a good player, but he is no Puig. And no, the Dodgers don’t have to “clear space”. As a matter of fact, the Dodgers don’t have to trade anyone.

Kemp may not be actually playing in Baseball games anymore, but he never lost his sense of humor-Robert Hanashiro-USA TODAY Sports

Stupid rumor # 3- Ricky Nolasco wants like 80 billion dollars for being mediocre or something

If the 2013 season taught us anything, it’s that Ricky Nolasco is as mediocre as they come. I’m not even taking into consideration his last four horrible starts with the Dodgers. If you look at his numbers, the impressive strikeout to walk ratios mask the fact that he is extremely hittable. You have a guy with a career 9.5 hit per nine rate, and a 4.37 ERA. Nolasco finished with an ERA of 3.70 this season. That’s the first time he’s had an ERA under 4.40 since 2008. And this guy wants 80 million dollars. No joke. Forget about the lame pitch sequences, or his flat hittable fastball with no movement. This guy wants 80 million. The funny thing is, he’ll probably get it too. As long as it’s not from the Dodgers, then I don’t care.

Stupid offseason rumors # 4- Alexander Guerrero will start the 2014 season in the minors

I thought we went through this before with Puig this last season? Let’s get one thing straight, the Dodgers don’t pay minor leaguers 28 million dollars. Just like they don’t pay minor leaguers 42 million dollars.  Do you think it was a good idea that Puig languished and wasted two months in Chatanooga last season? Let me ask you, do you think Puig is a minor leaguer now?

They said the same thing about Puig, and Hyun-jin Ryu. Remember? They said they would not be ready for the grand stage of major League Baseball. Were Puig and Ryu ready this season for major league action? What do you think? These are still professional players. They’ve played on big stages before. These are not minor leaguers. Alexander Guerrero is not a minor leaguer. The Dodgers aren’t paying him 28 million dollars to play second base for the Isotopes. Yes I know it’s been some kind of indeterminate amount of time since he’s actually played in games, but he’ll be ready by opening day. That’s what spring training is for. They don’t need to ease him in. This guy is a professional. Again, you don’t pay a minor leaguer 28 million dollars. Rest assured, Guerrero will be the Dodger’s starting second baseman on opening day of 2014.

As the hot stove season goes on, I am sure many more stupid rumors will surface. As they do, I will be here to debunk them all.

Oh hey did you hear the Dodgers are shopping Clayton Kershaw to the Reds for Aroldis Chapman, and Shin-Soo Choo? Kershaw could revive Cincinnati Baseball! Ok, Ok you got me. Jokes! That’s the kind of nonsense we’ve been hearing about for the last two weeks. Now doesn’t it sound silly? Now watch the Dodgers go and trade Puig to Seattle for Felix Hernandez or something.