Former Dodger Joe Blanton is Preparing For a Comeback, I Pray He Signs With The Giants

Here’s something funny that made me spit out my morning cereal in laughter. Former Dodger pitcher and one of the worst MLB pitchers in recent memory, Joe Blanton has decided to try and make a comeback. And wouldn’t it just be the bees knees if that were with the Giants?

(Warning this article has been written in extreme tongue and cheek)

Believe it or not he is only 34 years old, (Although he pitches like he’s 45), and will be holding an audition for clubs on February 4 in Nashville, Tennessee. Apparently Blanton will work out and throw a bullpen session, and has been on a throwing program this winter.

I wonder if the throwing program involved him throwing wiffle balls, because it’s hard to imagine any club wanting to sign him. Even a minor league deal seems like a stretch. According to the report, he’s been working out with fellow pitcher Zach Duke, and hopes to sign with a team soon.

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We all remember Blanton don’t we? He was originally drafted by the A’s and came up with them, pitching in Oakland from 2004-2008, before spending nearly five seasons in Philadelphia from 2008-2012. Then the Dodgers acquired him at the end of the 2012 season, and our short nightmare began.

Blanton only pitched two months in a Dodger uniform, but it was two months too long. The Dodgers acquired him off of waivers, (Eventually the Dodgers would send the Phillies Ryan O’Sullivan to complete the trade), and we all got a firsthand taste of his terrible pitching.

Blanton made just ten starts as a Dodger, finishing with a 2-4 record, and a very characteristic 4.99 ERA. He allowed 10.3 hits per nine innings, and posted a 1.4 WHIP.

During his career, Blanton averaged 26 home runs allowed per season, 9.9 hits per nine, and 6.2 strikeouts per nine. He finished with an 85-89 record, 4.51 ERA, and 4.23 FIP.

As if the below mediocre pitching was bad enough, he made some interesting comments to the media after one of his less than stellar starts. After he was blown out of another start at Dodger Stadium, and the Dodger fans booed him off the mound, he continued to react like he didn’t care.

He stated that the booing didn’t bother him and that he had heard it all before in Philadelphia. Well Dodger fans don’t boo, unless there is a reason. Thankfully Dodger fans were up for the challenge.

Blanton was always a poor pitcher, but once he left the Dodgers he got even worse, cementing his place as the worst pitcher in Baseball. He signed a free agent contract with the Angels in 2013, and posted numbers that would make you want to regurgitate.

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With the Angels Blanton posted a 2-14 record with a 6.04 ERA in 28 games. He made 20 starts, and allowed 34 home runs, and 180 hits in 134 frames. His FIP was 5.12, and he allowed an incredibly awful 12.2 hits per nine, while posting an ERA+ of 62. He hasn’t posted a league average season since 2009.

Then the Angels finally released him. It was sad to see that happen, as I thoroughly enjoyed watching him make Angel fans suffer. After his time with the Angels, he signed back with the A’s for about three weeks, before announcing his retirement in early 2014.

I know what you are thinking. This is just another Joe Blanton stinks article. I assure you it is not. Besides you don’t need me to write another article to tell you that. No, this is an article hoping, nay praying that the Giants sign Blanton. It’s every Baseball fan’s dream for their bitter rivals to sign the worst players.

M.Blake Harrison reported that since Blanton lives up in Northern California, that the Oakland A’s would be the perfect fit for him. Of course the A’s being the club that originally drafted, and signed him.

To that I disagree. I think that Blanton needs to return to the National League. He needs the Giants. I also propose that the Giants need him. After all, Ryan Vogelsong and Matt Cain may not be healthy. The Giants need more depth in their rotation.

And so I urge, no beg the Giants to sign Joe Blanton. San Francisco would be the perfect place for him and his 6.00 ERA and 10.0 hits per nine innings pitched.

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But just imagine for a moment if you can. Imagine the wonderful potential of a Blanton every fifth day start in At&t Park. Picture the wonder of Blanton’s obligatory 3.2 innings of work and seven earned runs allowed every week for the Giants.

I say we deserve this after having to watch the Giant’s three nasty championships over the last five years. I proclaim that serendipity owes us this one. Think about the guilty pleasure it would be to be able to watch Blanton pitch for the Giants. Think about the joy of seeing him allow 190 hits and 37 home runs in a San Francisco uniform.

He’s already made Angel fans sad, now it seems only right that he dons a San Francisco cap. After all San Francisco is just a quick hop skip and a jump away from Oakland anyways.

But something is needed to happen in order to make the Giants desperate enough to sign him. Let’s make this happen. Nothing serious of course, just a minor ailment allowing a slot to open. Maybe an explosive case of hemorrhoids for Madison Bumgarner?

Something anything, just please Baseball gods, I beg of you to make this happen. Don’t waste time in the minors either, bring him right up to the big league rotation. Make it a guaranteed contract too.

Let me indulge my fantasies and dream of a world in which Joe Blanton pitches for the Giants every fifth day. Now that’s a wish we all need granted. It’s kizmit.

Joe Blanton’s next home run allowed will be his 200th of his career. That should be in a Giant’s uniform.

Please, I beg of you Baseball, Make this happen. Pretty please?