Pair of former divisive Dodgers announce retirement after combined 2 decades in MLB

If you followed the Los Angeles Dodgers at any point over the last decade, you probably have Feelings about Joe Kelly and Andrew Heaney — capital F intentional.

The pair of veteran pitchers left the game in true on-brand fashion this week, officially(ish) ending careers that spanned 25 combined Major League seasons, two World Series rings with LA, and enough late-inning adrenaline swings to last Dodger fans a lifetime.

Kelly didn’t technically “retire,” at least not according to Joe Kelly logic. He insists athletes don’t retire, they just … stop playing. And honestly? That’s the most Joe Kelly thing ever spoken. Meanwhile, Heaney officially announced his retirement at age 34 after 12 seasons, 1,136 innings, and a career defined by two things: strikeouts and home runs.

Divisive? Yes. Forgettable? Not even close.

Kelly was the bullpen grenade launcher — chaotic, fearless, loved in the clubhouse, feared by hitters, suspended occasionally, and seemingly powered entirely by spite and adrenaline. Heaney was the scientist on the mound — elite strikeouts, elite whiplash from fans watching balls fly over outfield walls, and just steady enough to carve out a long career.

Together, Kelly and Heaney represent the last decade of Dodgers pitching depth: constant reinvention, analytics-driven adjustments, and a relentless pursuit of rings. They leave with four combined championships, a lot of bruised egos, a little scar tissue, and a permanent mark on Dodgers lore.

Ex-Dodgers Joe Kelly, Andrew Heaney call it a career after 2 decades of chaos, rings and "Wild Thing" energy

Let’s start with the legend of Joe Kelly — mostly because he’d probably interrupt if we didn’t.

The 37-year-old flamethrower (officially) departs the mound with 839 career innings, a 3.98 ERA, three World Series rings, and the eternal love of Dodgers fans for That One Face he made at the Houston Astros.

Kelly arrived in Los Angeles after helping the Boston Red Sox beat the Dodgers in the 2018 World Series, crossing enemy lines on a three-year deal. Early on, it looked rocky. Then the velocity held. The sinker bit. The curveball dropped off the table. And suddenly, Kelly became the bullpen version of a roller coaster you trust just enough to get back on.

Kelly averaged about 98 mph for eight straight years — and occasionally touched 102 — while also matching that heat with the volatility of an exploding soda can. But when the lights were brightest? He found it, again and again.

Kelly departs with a 2.03 ERA in the World Series, a reputation as baseball’s chaos agent, and the most Joe Kelly finale ever — gifting Shohei Ohtani his No. 17 and watching a Porsche show up at his house. His final act came in Dodger blue. His last ring came in Dodger blue. And honestly? There’s no city better suited to the man who turned “Wild Thing but make it modern” into a lifestyle brand.

Then there’s Heaney — quieter, analytical, technical, and still every bit as polarizing.

Few pitchers have lived closer to the edge than Heaney. When the fastball/slider combo worked? He looked like a top-end starter — like during his brief Dodger run when he struck out 35.5% of batters in 2022. When it didn’t? The ball left the park at escape-velocity.

Heaney’s Dodgers chapter was brief but impactful. He posted a 3.10 ERA in 2022, showed off elite swing-and-miss stuff, and reminded everyone that pitching development in Los Angeles is basically a graduate program. His two years with the Texas Rangers that followed brought a World Series ring and a pretty perfect arc to a career that always promised just a little more than health — or contact management — allowed.

Heaney's farewell letter was pure class. Simple. Reflective. Emotional. Very on-brand.

Kelly was a character in 4K clarity. Heaney was the quieter foil. Together, they book-ended an era where the Dodgers transformed from a contender into a machine. They weren’t always perfect. They weren’t always predictable. But they were ours — at least for a while.

And now, officially (or unofficially), they're done playing. Happy trails, fellas. Thanks for the rings, the adrenaline, and the stories.