Arizona Diamondbacks: Trading for Lourdes Gurriel Jr.
Special shoutout to the addition of Evan Longoria, who brought some form of sneaky veteran voodoo magic to the San Francisco Giants' 2021 team and might use a few good years in the desert to springboard himself into Scott Rolen-esque Hall of Fame consideration (we're not kidding).
The Diamondbacks will be frustratingly good this season as they integrate top prospect Corbin Carroll, the current Rookie of the year favorite, into their overflowing outfield. Alek Thomas is unlikely to be worse in Year 2, while Jake McCarthy will continue being a speedy rotational fourth outfield option.
Occupying the final spot will be Loures Gurriel Jr., obtained from the Blue Jays, along with top catching prospect Gabriel Moreno, in exchange for Daulton Varsho. Varsho could go and get it with the best of 'em in the outfield, but metrics suggest his 27 homers last season were somewhat inflated, and Arizona sold as high as they could've.
Pour one out for the All-Rookie Outfield, but it's nice to have a veteran slugger out there, and the Dodgers won't have a fun time next year dealing with Gurriel, the big-haired brother of their nemesis in Houston who also has a flair for the dramatic. He was worth 2.2 WAR in 493 at-bats last season, but bashed 21 bombs and knocked in 84 the year prior, selling out for power a bit more. He smashed 20 homers in just 84 games in 2019! The 29-year-old is controllable for the next two seasons, and has never had a below-average offensive year in his career. He might be just the type of electric bat who could steal a win or two for the Snakes next season.