Dodgers make Kody Clemens look like Roger Clemens in garbage time of blowout win

Philadelphia Phillies v Houston Astros
Philadelphia Phillies v Houston Astros / Bob Levey/GettyImages

I've heard of "Hook 'Em, Horns," but this is ridiculous.

Fresh off a series sweep against the reeling Cardinals, the Los Angeles Dodgers prepared for the wrath of Bryce Harper's return in the only way they know how: beating the brakes off an opponent who probably thought they were in for some light work.

After all, these aren't your dad's Dodgers. Gone are the days of Justin and Trea Turner. David Peralta? Jason Heyward? The Jason Heyward? These are the guys I'm scared of?

In a word, yes.

After a Will Smith homer in the bottom of the first off free agent cautionary tale Taijuan Walker, the floodgates opened, as Mookie Betts' occupation of the shortstop position allowed both Peralta and Heyward to play and go yard. After a pile-on ensued, the Phillies were left with no choice but to see if their fill-in first baseman Kody Clemens, who just happens to be the son of one of the game's greatest pitchers, might have absorbed a little bit of his father's arm talent.

Clemens won't be playing much first base for the next few weeks after Harper's return, anyway. Might as well see if he can mix a little chedd with that trademark splitter -- and, oh, no. He's dotting the corners with 52 MPH curveballs. Ah, well. Nevertheless.

Dodgers go down against Phillies first baseman Kody Clemens curveball

Then, things got really tense when Clemens hucked a broken bat shard at Michael Busch.

Just kidding. Let bygones be bygones. And don't tell Mike Piazza there was a Clemens pitching at Chavez Ravine on Monday. He might never come back.

Hopefully, the Dodgers keep the good vibes rolling on Tuesday and punish the Phils enough that we can learn who the next position player on the pitching depth chart will be. Our money's on Edmundo Sosa.